Balance.

Are you ever afraid of being alone, ten years from now? Having no purpose, no motivation, nothing, in the future when you’re all grown-up? I’m afraid. I’m afraid I might do something which might hugely impact myself and the people around me.
Growing up, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic – always believing that love is a solution to all(Disney, much?). No, I wasn’t influenced by Disney, the people around me influenced me, and they follow different cultures and ways of life. I’m not going to go in-depth with how everyone around me impacted me in a variety of ways so I’m just going to say this; I honestly believed that love is all everyone needed. Yes, I was that naïve.
Not knowing what “love” was at the time, I always thought it was this new feeling which made you feel good and complete. After experiencing love, I realized that love is a necessity; but it’s not all that you need. What you need is the balance. The balance between every aspect to stay content. I compromised a lot for love, and when it inevitably perished, I had nothing to get back to, I was stuck.
Now I’ve grown-up, and I’m experienced to know better, and that is why I’m trying to fix myself; not taking everything for granted, not devaluing others just because, just appreciating everything.
The point to this is that everything needs to be a balance, to live a healthy life.
People are going to hit the ground someday, it’s inevitable, it’s only a matter of what you decide to do then.

Advertisements

Me, Myself and I

I have my holidays right now and all I’ve been doing is sitting all day doing absolutely nothing at all. Well, I’m doing a lot of things but none worthy enough for a mention because the society dictates what should be worthy and what shouldn’t.
It’s always been like this.
“Oh, you went to a concert and got wasted? That’s awesome!”
“Oh you just stayed home and were on your laptop all day? You really need to go out.” 
Why do people always assume that there is only one typical way of having fun? Why is it always the concerts and going out which gets all the credits and not staying home or reading a book? I honestly do not understand that.
I see people. I see their eyes. I see the look they give me when I choose to stay home. I see everything. Don’t think I’m ignorant, I notice, I just don’t act upon it.
We, the introverts, get a lot of sh*t(pardon my language) and still, we act sane and stick to ourselves.
I know how to socialize, I know how to connect, I know how to flirt, I just choose not to because sometimes, just sometimes, I find time left alone better than some random person I’m apparently supposed to socialize to. It’s just who I am, don’t judge me for it. I keep getting so many condescending comments about how I should go out and make friends and how I should socialize more. It’s annoying how people think that by telling us to make friends, we’ll actually try. Funny.
Loner.
Strong word very carelessly used. I was reading an article about this. There was this term they used, “enforced”. Enforced loner. Very interesting.
It is those type of loners who, if they try to go out and socialize, they fail because of the lack of commonalities that they are forced to stay home most of the time, even times when they want to go out.
I am, in a way, of sorts, an enforced loner. I like being alone most of the time but when I want to go out and socialize, I am unable to do so because I don’t like the crowd. This is like a wish gone wrong. When I was comfortable going out, I did go out and I did socialize and make friends, I’m surprised at how good I am at that.
Ever since this enforced loner phase came into being, I’ve started getting all these remarks which are not very nice, makes you question yourself in ways you never did.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not a cry for help, I just hoped that  people wouldn’t be judgmental about me staying at home by my laptop being happy because, believe it or not, we can be happy staying at home.
Introverts, keep at it.

One love.

 

Ever thought about how there is only one person there for everyone? I used to. Yes, surprising. I was brainwashed by the modern movies that I assumed that there is one perfect soul for everyone. Boy, did I learn the right thing the wrong way. I’m not going into detail but I had a crush somebody the day I saw her. It wasn’t one of those “love at first sight” kind of melodramatic nuisance, it was plain fascination. I was fascinated when I first saw her. My curiosity led me to her and my little confidence led to a first talk. Of course, it didn’t go well, I was shy, she was shy(not really), all the normal stuff. Then later on, we clicked, we connected and BAM, I fell for her. Was it too soon?Probably. Did I make the right choice? Surprisingly, yes. She was interested too and one thing led to another and we were together…or at least that is what should’ve happened.

What really happened was that I got too into this whole idea of..”being above friends” and that startled her causing unpleasantness and we stopped seeing each other a few weeks later. Mind you, I don’t fall for people that easily, so if I did fall for someone, it would be a pain in the a*s to move on. It took me months, would’ve been sooner if we weren’t in the same school. After I had moved on, I don’t know what happened, but she magically sensed it(From this comes my theory of woman having a 7th sense). She came up to me with a big and energetic “Hi!” and I smiled and we started talking. A few years passed and now she’s my only best friend I’d die for. Funny how things work out this way.

When we first start off with understanding “affection”, it seems unfathomable and mind you, it is, just that we comprehend it the wrong way. We let the good parts touch our heart and the bad parts hit us hard. That is what happened when I first had a mere crush on someone. I was a kid, naïve and all. If I was hurt when I was a kid, I wouldn’t have had any sort of reasoning to it, it would just be plain pain without any backstory. That is how I felt back in my days. Today, whenever I see some underage kid ranting about his love story, if I hadn’t experienced the pain, I would’ve just told him, “You’re a kid, grow up.” and forgotten about it, but, I did experience the pain, so I could relate to him, sure, as a whole it seems quite little(it is) but for the child, it really isn’t so I have to respect what he feels and talk to him about it. That is the right choice. Toughen up? Bull. Let him live it, he will eventually toughen himself up.
Back to the story, I honestly thought that that girl was the one for me, she was cute, amazing, smart, everything, hell, she still is, but I now know what the truth it. I got so obsessed with the idea of “The one” that I stuck to it. Yes, I was quite the dumb kid.
It taught me something valuable, the pain, it taught me that there is a world and a life full of chances just waiting to be taken. Just because you’re hurt doesn’t mean that your life is over and that you have to be stuck in your little comfort zone full of insecurities. Take a chance. Fail. Take a chance again. Do it till you prevail. Don’t let one unfortunate incident define your whole life. So what you lost The one? There’s the Next one right there.
What I’m trying to say is to take your unfortunate moments as your stepping stone and go forward where all that there is, is happiness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Selfishness.

“Don’t be selfish”.
Isn’t that the most commonly used phrase we all hear at some point in our life? The word is so strong that it can make you rethink your decisions and alter them. It can literally make a “yes” become a “no” and vice versa.
You see, what I’ve noticed is, the society likes to label. They like it a lot. A person who shares is a kind person, a person who gets good grades is a smart person, a person who doesn’t share is selfish. Why is that? Why do you call him/her selfish? Let’s elaborate.
Taking any scenario, why do they call people selfish? Is it because they don’t share? Is it because they want to keep whatever knowledge or goods they have to themselves? Is it simply because they are afraid they might run out of resources? Could be anything.
The word “selfish” is not as bad as people show it to be. It’s not bad to be selfish, it’s your right to be selfish. Being a selfless person pleases the society but does it please you?
It momentarily gives you the satisfaction, I agree, but if you keep being selfless, at some point, it’s going to be torture. People don’t like to admit it but it’s true, it’s just torture. “Because someone called me selfish, I did the selfless thing and it felt good but when I had to keep doing that, it turned to discomfort.”
What I’m trying to say is that it’s okay to be selfish once in a while, in fact, you should definitely be selfish, for yourself, for your own comfort, for your own advantage because you deserve it. In the end, you’re living for yourself, not for other’s happiness.

——————————————————–

Past choices.

Ever wonder what would happen if you didn’t “move on” from someone or something? I sure do. I hold on to things, things with no reason to hold on to, I still hold on to it. It’s just me. I’m hopeless. I observed many of my friends doing the same thing to a certain extent and then moving on. I wonder if, after they decide to move on, do they actually look back and ask themselves what would’ve happened if they hadn’t moved on? I really do.
You see, I’m not one of those guys who can simply let go of things. I like to keep things, be it an old laptop, an old picture or even an old memory. It’s not that I’m incapable of letting things go, I can let things go, it’s just that if I do, it would torture me. The question would torture me, the big question. What if?
What if you didn’t let go? What if you held on to it? What would’ve happened if you did? I’ve let things go, I’ve moved on(tends to happen when you migrate to another country), it’s been 3 years and yet, I ask myself, “what would’ve happened if I did the opposite of what I did?”. It’s not torture anymore, it’s just natural curiosity. I mean, I’m sure it’s not just me, everyone wants to know if they made the right choice.
I’m here, with my head held high, looking towards the future while a little part of me still wanders in the past. I actually like it, to a certain extent. I like how I still get curious about my past choices, my past memories, my past moments with my loved one(s), still manages to surprise me.
There’s a famous saying; “Let go of the past, you don’t live there anymore”, it’s true, but is it completely, though? My past defines who I am, so I’d like to say that it isn’t true, what about you?