Balance.

Are you ever afraid of being alone, ten years from now? Having no purpose, no motivation, nothing, in the future when you’re all grown-up? I’m afraid. I’m afraid I might do something which might hugely impact myself and the people around me.
Growing up, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic – always believing that love is a solution to all(Disney, much?). No, I wasn’t influenced by Disney, the people around me influenced me, and they follow different cultures and ways of life. I’m not going to go in-depth with how everyone around me impacted me in a variety of ways so I’m just going to say this; I honestly believed that love is all everyone needed. Yes, I was that na├»ve.
Not knowing what “love” was at the time, I always thought it was this new feeling which made you feel good and complete. After experiencing love, I realized that love is a necessity; but it’s not all that you need. What you need is the balance. The balance between every aspect to stay content. I compromised a lot for love, and when it inevitably perished, I had nothing to get back to, I was stuck.
Now I’ve grown-up, and I’m experienced to know better, and that is why I’m trying to fix myself; not taking everything for granted, not devaluing others just because, just appreciating everything.
The point to this is that everything needs to be a balance, to live a healthy life.
People are going to hit the ground someday, it’s inevitable, it’s only a matter of what you decide to do then.

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Me, Myself and I

I have my holidays right now and all I’ve been doing is sitting all day doing absolutely nothing at all. Well, I’m doing a lot of things but none worthy enough for a mention because the society dictates what should be worthy and what shouldn’t.
It’s always been like this.
“Oh, you went to a concert and got wasted? That’s awesome!”
“Oh you just stayed home and were on your laptop all day? You really need to go out.” 
Why do people always assume that there is only one typical way of having fun? Why is it always the concerts and going out which gets all the credits and not staying home or reading a book? I honestly do not understand that.
I see people. I see their eyes. I see the look they give me when I choose to stay home. I see everything. Don’t think I’m ignorant, I notice, I just don’t act upon it.
We, the introverts, get a lot of sh*t(pardon my language) and still, we act sane and stick to ourselves.
I know how to socialize, I know how to connect, I know how to flirt, I just choose not to because sometimes, just sometimes, I find time left alone better than some random person I’m apparently supposed to socialize to. It’s just who I am, don’t judge me for it. I keep getting so many condescending comments about how I should go out and make friends and how I should socialize more. It’s annoying how people think that by telling us to make friends, we’ll actually try. Funny.
Loner.
Strong word very carelessly used. I was reading an article about this. There was this term they used, “enforced”. Enforced loner. Very interesting.
It is those type of loners who, if they try to go out and socialize, they fail because of the lack of commonalities that they are forced to stay home most of the time, even times when they want to go out.
I am, in a way, of sorts, an enforced loner. I like being alone most of the time but when I want to go out and socialize, I am unable to do so because I don’t like the crowd. This is like a wish gone wrong. When I was comfortable going out, I did go out and I did socialize and make friends, I’m surprised at how good I am at that.
Ever since this enforced loner phase came into being, I’ve started getting all these remarks which are not very nice, makes you question yourself in ways you never did.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not a cry for help, I just hoped that  people wouldn’t be judgmental about me staying at home by my laptop being happy because, believe it or not, we can be happy staying at home.
Introverts, keep at it.

First time for everything.

Ever felt like things were just out of hand and you were suffocating with bottled up emotions you so desperately wanted to let out? Being an introvert, it’s hard, really. Hard to let out emotions because almost always..nobody is around to listen. As obvious as it is, I’m an introvert, at least I try to be. Hey, it’s no bad thing to be an introvert, it’s actually fun having time to yourself, doing things you can only enjoy when you’re the only person in the room, it’s all fun…then it stops. Every breathing moment becomes suffocating even when you are alone in a spacious room, you question your existence, your perspective, your naive positivity, it all turns and we feel horrible just by sitting there. Introverts or loners, at some point, do feel suffocated and they need one of the billion ways to let out pent up emotions within them. So, here I am, exploring yet another way. I admit, I have trouble socializing simply because I feel like I’m superior or I feel they’re too superior for me(complexity, much?). Today marks the day when I actually start writing, anonymously, but writing for real. Its surprising, I haven’t told anyone how I felt but the first time on this website and I just blurt it all out. Maybe it’s because I have this false impression of nobody genuinely taking a look at this, who knows?