Balance.

Are you ever afraid of being alone, ten years from now? Having no purpose, no motivation, nothing, in the future when you’re all grown-up? I’m afraid. I’m afraid I might do something which might hugely impact myself and the people around me.
Growing up, I’ve always been a hopeless romantic – always believing that love is a solution to all(Disney, much?). No, I wasn’t influenced by Disney, the people around me influenced me, and they follow different cultures and ways of life. I’m not going to go in-depth with how everyone around me impacted me in a variety of ways so I’m just going to say this; I honestly believed that love is all everyone needed. Yes, I was that naïve.
Not knowing what “love” was at the time, I always thought it was this new feeling which made you feel good and complete. After experiencing love, I realized that love is a necessity; but it’s not all that you need. What you need is the balance. The balance between every aspect to stay content. I compromised a lot for love, and when it inevitably perished, I had nothing to get back to, I was stuck.
Now I’ve grown-up, and I’m experienced to know better, and that is why I’m trying to fix myself; not taking everything for granted, not devaluing others just because, just appreciating everything.
The point to this is that everything needs to be a balance, to live a healthy life.
People are going to hit the ground someday, it’s inevitable, it’s only a matter of what you decide to do then.

Me, Myself and I

I have my holidays right now and all I’ve been doing is sitting all day doing absolutely nothing at all. Well, I’m doing a lot of things but none worthy enough for a mention because the society dictates what should be worthy and what shouldn’t.
It’s always been like this.
“Oh, you went to a concert and got wasted? That’s awesome!”
“Oh you just stayed home and were on your laptop all day? You really need to go out.” 
Why do people always assume that there is only one typical way of having fun? Why is it always the concerts and going out which gets all the credits and not staying home or reading a book? I honestly do not understand that.
I see people. I see their eyes. I see the look they give me when I choose to stay home. I see everything. Don’t think I’m ignorant, I notice, I just don’t act upon it.
We, the introverts, get a lot of sh*t(pardon my language) and still, we act sane and stick to ourselves.
I know how to socialize, I know how to connect, I know how to flirt, I just choose not to because sometimes, just sometimes, I find time left alone better than some random person I’m apparently supposed to socialize to. It’s just who I am, don’t judge me for it. I keep getting so many condescending comments about how I should go out and make friends and how I should socialize more. It’s annoying how people think that by telling us to make friends, we’ll actually try. Funny.
Loner.
Strong word very carelessly used. I was reading an article about this. There was this term they used, “enforced”. Enforced loner. Very interesting.
It is those type of loners who, if they try to go out and socialize, they fail because of the lack of commonalities that they are forced to stay home most of the time, even times when they want to go out.
I am, in a way, of sorts, an enforced loner. I like being alone most of the time but when I want to go out and socialize, I am unable to do so because I don’t like the crowd. This is like a wish gone wrong. When I was comfortable going out, I did go out and I did socialize and make friends, I’m surprised at how good I am at that.
Ever since this enforced loner phase came into being, I’ve started getting all these remarks which are not very nice, makes you question yourself in ways you never did.
Don’t get me wrong, this is not a cry for help, I just hoped that  people wouldn’t be judgmental about me staying at home by my laptop being happy because, believe it or not, we can be happy staying at home.
Introverts, keep at it.

Realization

I’m sick. Actually sick. No, I’m serious, I’m REALLY sick. Been vomiting this morning and not feeling good the days before. I like typing here and it’s a nice hobby to stay anonymous and say everything you normally wouldn’t say but yeah, I like it.
I want to post but I can’t because of how fragile a human body really is.
I don’t know about you, but, for me, I have this bad(?) habit of thinking on a negative level every time something negative happens to me. I cough, “OH MY GOD I HAVE CANCER!”. I’m just kidding!
I just tend to think about stuff to deviate myself from the pain, mentally.
I have to admit, there is nothing going on in my life, nothing to write or even think about so if I’m doing this, it’s a miracle.
A little detail to be added, I had my exam this morning so when I felt sick, I was actually horrified. This exam comes every year so I had to wait for another year for appearing for it and I can’t deal with one whole year of idleness.
Yes, I did go and I did attend, went pretty good, so I’m relieved.
I started thinking about what would’ve happened if I hadn’t gone for the exam. It would’ve ruined my whole plan I have set out(Yes, I have a plan and no, it’s not stupid to have your future all planned out).
Anyway, I started thinking about things and how much of a setback it would’ve been for me. Then it hit me, it doesn’t matter. Suddenly, my whole plan just didn’t matter. We live always thinking about the future that we forgot the enjoy the moment. There is this very snide phrase, “YOLO”, which is absurd, or that is what I thought, at least.
You see, the beginning of YOLO was all about “you only live once, so you have to do everything that comes forward and is fun”, when it should really be something like “You only live once, so do everything you can to make a difference in the world”.
That type of YOLO is what I’d honestly keep as my motto.
In my bad moments, I had a realization so all in all, it wasn’t such a bad moment after all.
I don’t really have a point for this all, but, in a way, it served me as a life lesson(the timing is impeccable) and just thought I’d share it with my imaginary readers.

Past choices.

Ever wonder what would happen if you didn’t “move on” from someone or something? I sure do. I hold on to things, things with no reason to hold on to, I still hold on to it. It’s just me. I’m hopeless. I observed many of my friends doing the same thing to a certain extent and then moving on. I wonder if, after they decide to move on, do they actually look back and ask themselves what would’ve happened if they hadn’t moved on? I really do.
You see, I’m not one of those guys who can simply let go of things. I like to keep things, be it an old laptop, an old picture or even an old memory. It’s not that I’m incapable of letting things go, I can let things go, it’s just that if I do, it would torture me. The question would torture me, the big question. What if?
What if you didn’t let go? What if you held on to it? What would’ve happened if you did? I’ve let things go, I’ve moved on(tends to happen when you migrate to another country), it’s been 3 years and yet, I ask myself, “what would’ve happened if I did the opposite of what I did?”. It’s not torture anymore, it’s just natural curiosity. I mean, I’m sure it’s not just me, everyone wants to know if they made the right choice.
I’m here, with my head held high, looking towards the future while a little part of me still wanders in the past. I actually like it, to a certain extent. I like how I still get curious about my past choices, my past memories, my past moments with my loved one(s), still manages to surprise me.
There’s a famous saying; “Let go of the past, you don’t live there anymore”, it’s true, but is it completely, though? My past defines who I am, so I’d like to say that it isn’t true, what about you?

 

 

 

Life without music

Can anyone here imagine life without music? It’s absurd! Unimaginable! Horrific!
The sad thing is, there are tons of people who haven’t experienced what real music sounds. No, I’m not talking about artists singing the same verse 5 times in a studio and labeling that as good music, no. I’m talking about the real music. The music which makes you want to dance to the beat. The music which gets you going in life. The music which is a good distraction during a rough time. That music. That music is everything.
It probably did go unnoticed, but the latest artists sadden me. Don’t get me wrong, I like many songs but where is the hype? It’s all about sex, drug, money, twerking and what not, it’s almost like the world runs on these words. Call me old-fashioned, but I love the music which gave you the chills just listening to it.
Also, music doesn’t necessarily have to be a song; it can be anything which pleases you when you hear it, which makes you happy when present. Different people, different perspectives.  There is good music in every corner of the world yet we fail to find it. Have you found your music?